i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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