you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
