Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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