why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
