Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
