I feel great
I just peed on a car
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
