he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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