Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
