I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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