I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
