Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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