i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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