I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize