Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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