We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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