i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We have started to decorate penises.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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