Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
