first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
