apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
