my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
