You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
