her vagine was all disorganized.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If I die, sorry about rent.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
