i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
