so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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