I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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