C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
