Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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