My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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