I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
