i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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