Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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