Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
