You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
