Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
