We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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