Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
