Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
