Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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