So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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