No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
