If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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