The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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