absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
