respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
