Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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