I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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