Bisexual people are plain selfish.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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