how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
can u get pink eye on your cock?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
