Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
