Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
