When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
