Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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