the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
