i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
