PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
