my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
