Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
