The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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