I got chris browned last night
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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