i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
