and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
