You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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