He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
