When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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