my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
