i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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