Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
