sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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