Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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