I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
