i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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