Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Is it because I queefed?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
