Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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