just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
