i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
