who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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