So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
