youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
