Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
