Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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