i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
